Monday, September 04, 2006

I've lost control

I am learning how to live without having control. All my life I’ve had this feeling that I am responsible for everything. I’ve always had to fix things and set them right. But now I can’t do that. I have no control, no power to resolve the situation and it’s killing me. There are lies being told that I’d love to make known, there are heart being broken that I’d love to piece back together, relationships being torn apart that I’d love to mend. There is all this turmoil, all this chaos, all this pain and I can’t do anything about it.

God created you and me to be free. We were created to be free from feeling like the judge of the world, free from always having control. Not every sin in the world is my responsibility. God has given me a sphere of influence where I can help bring heaven to earth and sometimes he changes that sphere. Sometimes He tears us out of a sphere, tears others out of ours and once that happens we are out of control and are no longer obligated to the struggles of that sphere besides through compassion and prayer.

I’m also learning that losing control is also extremely painful. When God changes your sphere of influence even for a short time it’s among the most painful experiences on earth. People you love are in pain and all you can do is hope. All you can do is give it over to God and trust that He cares more about the situation than you do and He will resolve it better than you ever could.

God loves more deeply, more intimately, more profoundly, and more powerfully than I ever could. Intellectually it’ easy to confess that God will take care of things but it’s something else to actually trust in that. It’s difficult to trust God. But I have to… it’s all I can do. I have to trust that God will made things right, God will bring the enmity upon which I have no influence back to harmony.

But I still have to pray. I cannot stop caring. I’m called to care. But what do I pray for? I could pray that God hold everyone accountable. I could pray that the person telling the lies and causing the pain is punished and that they have to pay for everything through deep apology and painful reconciliation. OR I could pray that this gets fixed with the least pain possible. I could pray that God have will have mercy and that this comes back to harmony with as little pain as possible. When the lies come out what should I hope for? Revenge or true peace? I pray that God will have mercy. I pray that there is as little pain as possible. But I also pray that the lies are made known and that the hearts being broken will be mended.

I have no control. It’ better off that way because God is better at this stuff than I am anyway and He cares a lot more than I do.

2 comments:

Mike Exum said...

Love will prevail. Love will find a way.

Many blessings...

Janette said...

Hang in there friend, pray and never stop caring. You are not alone.

well said Mike, well said.