Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I guess I'm just complaining

Christian pop culture in large doses can really wear down on you. It just gets really old after a while and there is something disgustingly artificial about it. Sometimes I wonder if we even remember how to honestly express our thoughts or if we’ve trained ourselves so well to automatically resort to our Christianese and cliché explanations. Sometimes I just wish people would just say what they really think. I never feel like I’m seeing real people. Everything real about them is covered up and hidden from the world behind plastic spirituality so that the whole world will see how extra spiritual they are and “want what they have.” I believe the world should want what Christians have but not this. I hope the world doesn’t want the kind of spirituality that’s all about image. That wouldn’t be any help to anyone. The real solution to the world’s longings is authentic spirituality where passion comes naturally and isn’t replaced with words, where doubt is accepted and questions are asked before they’re answered.

What I have to realize that there’s truth within the cliché. Though it’s been distorted, at one point or another there is real meaning behind all the fake words. I shouldn’t necessarily be disregarding pop-Christianity lest I throw the baby out with the bathwater. What I should be doing is finding the truth within it and celebrating it rather that scoffing at it. It’s hard sometimes and it may take some work but I cannot become so cynical and end up bitter. I should be drawing out truth and honesty instead of fleeing from lies and artificiality.

So I guess what it all comes down to is I’m fed up. I’m fed up with church, with theology, with Christianity… all the things I am usually passionate about are turning out to be much more difficult than I ever realized and I feel so alone through it all. But I’m not alone. However bitter and frustrated I get God is patiently working on me and He never gets bitter towards me, though He certainly has the right to. It’s my choice how I come out of this frustration. Will I end up indignant toward my calling, frustrated and stagnant? Or Will I come out more gracious than ever, having learned from my aggravations?

1 comment:

Mike Exum said...

..... Wes Ellis..... The dark days....

Hang in there man. Better days are coming. And you know I am right. A day that makes all this pain and loneliness seem like a dream. A day that makes your complaints an embarrassment to cringe at reading again - not at all unlike old love letters in that respect.

And knowing that kind of salt in the wound actually jolts you into realizing that it is true that better days will come. A fresh wind will fill you your stale lungs.

Hang in there.

Many blessings...